I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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