is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
