last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
