you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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