so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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