Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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