i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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