just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
