tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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