yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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