It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This toilet bowl is my home.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
