So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
