it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
