the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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