She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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