I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They are going to name an STD after you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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