So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
