She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
