Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
