i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
BRING THE BAGELS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
