you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize