I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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