I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
