let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
