Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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