my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
