i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
