Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
