I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize