We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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