I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
