I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
