I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
