You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
