yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
