just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
