This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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