I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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