she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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