True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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