Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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