just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
