It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
FUCK WHALES
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