Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
