It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
