go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
