So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
