Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
