do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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