dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize