she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
