I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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