its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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