I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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