there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize