Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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