I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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