its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
