Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
