Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
