So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
