hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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