i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize