i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
