From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
