found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
