Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
