I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
