so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
jump out the window naked night went bad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
