You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
