I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
