Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
