Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
