He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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