The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
