when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
