I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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