dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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