when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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