dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
