found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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