And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
