franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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