if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
