Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
