I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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