I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
