i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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