Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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