you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
