Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
