My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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