Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
