11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
