I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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