I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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