I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
