Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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