so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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