Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
