Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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