Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
