I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
