my mouth tastes like poor choices
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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