hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
